Not to be LEFT Out: A Mighty (Strange) Minority



For about ninety percent
of the population today is just another Monday. That’s because most righties
don’t pay attention to National Lefty Day. Most don’t take heed of their
handedness at all. After all, it’s a right-hander’s world. For those of you who
are rolling your eyes right now, take a minute and answer the following

Which hand do you need to
use to start your car? To shift gears? 

Pick up a handled
travel mug. Which hand is it meant to be held in so that you can drink from it? 

What side has the
(painful) metal spirals in your kid’s notebook? 

Ever have class in a
lecture hall? What side were the desks on?

Have a lefty accountant?
Where’s the numeric keypad on a keyboard?

We won’t even get into
scissors, vegetable peelers, and power tools. Okay, these seem like minor
inconveniences, but add up all the little things and being a lefty can be a
real pain in the…hand. So I think we deserve a day of recognition where the
rest of the world can waste a few minutes learning about their left-handed

Here are some interesting
facts about left-handers (and my pithy commentary on them).

Lefties make up about 10
percent of population, a number which scientists say hasn’t changed since the
time of the Neanderthals. If left-handed clubs had been more readily available,
this number would have spiked. (Keep reading to find out why.)

Lefties are more likely to
suffer from dyslexia and stuttering, especially if they were forced to use
their right hands. Religious leaders saw that first fact and figured if
evolution couldn’t kill us off, perhaps Christianity and its belief that
lefties were possessed by the devil could.

Lefties are more likely to
be men, making female lefties an especially rare breed. Perhaps this has to do
more with the fact that woman have historically been delegated to kitchens full
of right-handed cookware, rather than a fluke in genetics. Just sayin’.

Five out of seven of the
last presidents were lefties.  Four
out of five of the creators of Apple were lefties. So the same minority we have
to blame for Monica Lewinsky and the recession, we can also thank for the
iEverything. That’s an even exchange in my mind.

We’re known for being more
creative, but earn 10% less, unless we attend college. Left-handed college
graduates go on to become 26% richer than right-handed graduates. So how do we
account for Bill Gates who’s a left-handed, billionaire drop-out?

Then again, Gates was just
living up to lefties’ bad rep. The word for left in various languages is
synonymous with everything from weak and broken to sinister and evil. Give
someone a left-handed compliment and you’re actually insulting them. Then
again, if they had anything to do with language development, maybe they deserve

All this discrimination
might explain why we’re such a moody lot and are embarrassed more easily. It at
least explains my excessive blushing. We also have a higher risk of ADHD and schizophrenia,
but a lower risk of ulcers. Apparently we’re nuts, but not overly stressed
about it. I’m cool with that.

Then again, we also like
our booze. Yup, lefties are more likely to be drinkers. Well, if you made up
some of the world’s greatest artists, scientists, and inventors and still
couldn’t peel a damn potato, you might be driven to drink, too.

In more
violent societies, researchers found that lefties thrived. Apparently a
surprise left hook packs some extra oomph.
So if survival ever comes down to fight-to-the-death combat, lefties
would win. I volunteer as tribute!

But good news, righties,
barring that apocalypse, lefties die younger. This could this be from the
drinking or the mood disorders. Or maybe it’s the fact that we exhaust
ourselves daily in a right-handed world. But for today, at least, the world
belongs to the lefties! 

Sources, for the facts. The commentary is my own!:


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